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Katie Piper - apos;There Were Times I Used Mum As An Emotional Punchbag apos;

2020-07-21T22:10:12Z

StephanieFossey:

Katie Piper with her mum Diane Katie Piper's mother Diane nursed her back from the hell of a life-changing attack. Now Katie explains why it's her turn to be the rock Katie's story Katie, 36, lives with her husband Richard and their children Belle, six, and Penelope, two I was a nightmare teenager for my mother. We lived in Hampshire and she was a teacher. Her life revolved around education, being sensible and not making a fuss. There I was, underage drinking, smoking and constantly having rows. I went to college to study hair and beauty - my dad was a barber and I think they were relieved I would have a sensible job. But when I was 19 I met a load of girls from London, moved in with them and started going to auditions for [https://www.kynghidongduong.vn/tours/tour-du-lich-ha-noi-bac-kan-ho-ba-be-cao-bang-hang-pac-bo-thac-ban-gioc.html tour hồ ba bể] modelling. My mum was not impressed but I didn't care. As I kept telling her, I never wanted to be like her. Everything changed in March 2008, when I was 24. I was taken to hospital after acid had been thrown over me. [Katie had been raped by her jealous ex Daniel Lynch who then arranged for an accomplice, Stefan Sylvestre, to throw sulphuric acid at her; both attackers were convicted and given life sentences.] I didn't know what was happening. I was blind in both eyes. As well as the agony I was in, all I could hear was male voices around me which made me feel incredibly vulnerable and scared. Then amid the noise I heard my mum and I felt safer. It was incredible the effect the sound of her voice had on me. KATIE with her mum Diane, aged five in 1989 My parents didn't leave my side for the seven weeks I was in hospital - and for months after. My dad is a very emotional guy - he cries at The X Factor - but my mum has never been like that. She was brought up with very Victorian-style parenting. It breaks my heart that her dad told her if she ever needed to cry, to go upstairs quietly and weep into her pillow. But that made her very strong and, in my worst moment, I needed that strength. It was an awful time. I couldn't see, I knew I was completely disfigured and there were so many [http://www.buzznet.com/?s=medical%20complications medical complications] caused by the damage from the acid. I also knew the men who did this hadn't been caught and I didn't think they ever would be. I was on massive doses of drugs. There was a point when the doctors came to talk about the next operation and I shook my head and wrote a note saying: ‘Kill me.' Now I have two girls myself, I can't imagine how that felt, but my mum just held my hand and pushed on. She was never fluffy, she never told me everything would turn out well, she just encouraged me to take step after step. She took photos every day. It was the teacher in her that refused to sugar-coat the truth but wanted me to see improvements. And also, I know now, that she wanted documentation in case anything happened to me. She was going to fight for justice - she wasn't ever going to let me down. I feel so grateful to her. When I came out of hospital she looked after me, physically and emotionally. I needed her for everything, from my personal hygiene to my medical needs. There were lots of times I used her as a punchbag. I could take all my anger out on her because I knew she'd never walk away. Mum took early retirement so she could always be with me. I've said sorry so many times. During everything I went through, my mum became the closest person to me. My life changed again in many wonderful ways but when I found out I was pregnant with Belle, I was so happy. I'd thought I might never be able to have a baby and my first call was to my mum. She told me she was about to call me because she'd been diagnosed with bowel cancer. I felt my pregnancy had to be the light to her dark. I would take her to events I was invited to; we did lots of lovely things that sound superficial but because she saw so many terrible things through me, I wanted to balance that with happy memories. Six years later we are in lockdown. We speak every day but in those years the cancer spread to her lung, liver, skin and now her lymph glands. Rules are relaxing but I would not risk her health because I love her so much. She still never makes a fuss but it's my turn to be strong. With my kids, I try to be the mother she was with me: reading, making playdough, listening, giving strength and unconditional love. Now - with those teenage years long gone - the woman I most want to be like is my mother. RELATED ARTICLES [# Previous] [# 1] [# Next] [/home/you/article-8426601/Beauty-skins-secret-weapons.html Beauty: Your skin's secret weapons ] [/home/you/article-8426519/Elizabeth-Day-power-struggle-relationship.html Elizabeth Day: The power struggle in my relationship ] [/home/you/article-8406191/Father-daughters-Hes-Dad-Mum-me.html Father and daughters: 'He's been Dad and Mum to me'] [/home/you/article-8402827/Warning-common-medicines-cause-personality-change.html Warning: these common medicines may cause personality...] Share this article Share Diane's story A retired teacher, Diane lives in Hampshire with her husband David Mother and daughter, 1985 No one can ever really be prepared for motherhood. When I was told Katie had been attacked, I walked into the hospital and didn't even recognise the person lying amid machines and ventilators. I thought: ‘Who is that?' All I could see was black and orange swelling. It did not compute that it was Katie. But you have to keep going and put your faith in the doctors. It was hard for her. I never wanted Katie to see me cry - it wouldn't help her, so I cried in private. Katie came to live with us after she left hospital. It was a difficult time. My husband David and I had to keep everything going - eye drops in the morning, four massages a day. She didn't like it, and took out her anger on us, but I understood. I kept a diary back then but I don't look at it now. There was so much to take in and do. Meetings with doctors, the police, psychologists and keeping the daily routine. I took leave from work and on top of everything I was worrying about, I worried about Katie's future. All I could see was her continuing to live with us, a hermit's existence, always scared. There was a lot of fear in the early days before the men who did this were caught. She would be terrified if the phone rang or there was a knock at the door. We changed our number and took our names off the electoral register. Fear is contagious and I felt it too. Katie saw a psychologist which really helped her. David and I saw him too because it was difficult for us to cope. Small changes started to happen - she would joke about one ear which was more badly burnt than the other. She let us celebrate her birthday with a little party and a few of her friends. Then one day she came downstairs and said: ‘I'm going to the shop.' I was really worried. I asked if she wanted me to go with her, or to walk halfway, and she said: ‘No.' I watched her go from the garden gate, her thin legs disappearing into the distance. I felt like I did on her first day at school. I was terrified she'd panic and run into the road or that something would happen. I worked out how long it would take to get there and back and kept walking into the street looking for her. She came back smiling. ‘Stop worrying, Mum,' she said. I knew then that she would be OK. I watch her now and I'm so proud of her. I don't know where this spirit comes from but she has touched so many people. She is brave, compassionate and absolutely determined to make a difference. She wants to fix everything. When I told her about my cancer, the next day a juicer and a huge box of fresh fruit and vegetables appeared on the doorstep. She comes with me to my appointments, even when I tell her not to. ‘You were my hospital buddy, I'm going to be yours,' she says. What Katie has done is amazing. But I think the greatest and most incredible thing is her getting married and having two wonderful girls. Honestly, I never thought that would happen, especially when I look back to those dark times. She's a wonderful mother and she's happy, which is all you want for your children. During lockdown I haven't been able to see her but we speak all the time and she can always make me laugh. Katie never gives up hope, which is a great lesson for everyone. Katie and Diane in four Describe each other Katie Strong, intelligent, reliable, selfless. Diane Brave, loving, determined, articulate. Their worst habit? Katie Sending me grammatical corrections on my social-media posts. Diane Her impatience. If a suggestion is made she will want to do it without thinking. When you're together... Katie She tells stories about my childhood. Diane We eat, we drink lots of tea and [https://www.kynghidongduong.vn/tours/tour-du-lich-ha-noi-bac-kan-ho-ba-be-cao-bang-hang-pac-bo-thac-ban-gioc.html kynghidongduong.vn] we always find something to laugh about. Your favourite memory of each other? Katie Sitting at the table sticking pictures from catalogues into a book of stories I had made up with my mum sitting next to me, listening and being absolutely present. Diane Watching her walk down the aisle on her father's arm. I don't cry easily but my eyes were filled with tears when I saw her. Katie Piper's Extraordinary People podcast is available now. For information on Katie's charity, visit [ ][ you.co.uk Privacy Policy] data-track-module="am-external-links^external-links"> Read more: [ Katie Piper Foundation - Katie Piper Foundation] DM.later('bundle', function() DM.has('external-source-links', 'externalLinkTracker'); );

Thomas Beattie Came Out But Worries For Anyone Following His Lead

2020-07-21T07:58:58Z

StephanieFossey:

Thomas Beattie spent years trying to get a recurring thought out of his head and it was a shattered skull that convinced him to leave it be. He remembers everything so clearly — the ball, the bounce, the back of the other guy's head, the crunch and the hundreds of tiny shards of [http://edublogs.org/?s=bone%20floating bone floating] behind his eyes. He remembers the pain and the seven surgeries and, most of all, he remembers a deeply personal epiphany that, five years on, has suddenly become a discussion point for [https://www.kynghidongduong.vn/tours/tour-du-lich-ha-noi-bac-kan-ho-ba-be-cao-bang-hang-pac-bo-thac-ban-gioc.html kynghidongduong.vn] strangers around the world. First, to the accident. He was 29, an Englishman abroad. His had been a nomad's career, one of those largely anonymous adventures in football's backwaters — a young pro at Hull City who would ultimately make his way in the leagues of [/news/canada/index.html Canada] and [/news/singapore/index.html Singapore]. Former footballer and Hull City youth team player Thomas Beattie came out as gay last week RELATED ARTICLES [# Previous] [# 1] [# Next] [/sport/sportsnews/article-8453397/Former-Hull-youth-team-player-Thomas-Beattie-comes-gay.html 'I never thought about coming out whilst playing': Former...] [/sport/rugbyunion/article-8452247/Former-Lions-captain-Gareth-Thomas-speaks-living-HIV.html 'When I was told I had HIV, I thought "death sentence". I...] [/sport/cricket/article-8437559/West-Indies-fast-bowler-Shannon-Gabriel-insists-gay-slur-row-wont-stop-sledging.html West Indies fast bowler Shannon Gabriel insists gay slur row...] [/sport/football/article-8419771/Troy-Deeney-claims-probably-one-gay-player-team.html 'I think once the first comes out, there would be loads':...] Share this article Share In 2015, at Bedok Stadium, a ground fit for 3,800 fans on a good day, he was playing midfield for Warriors FC, the most successful club in the Singapore Premier League. They were up against Geylang United. ‘The ball was bouncing between me and another guy,' Beattie tells Sportsmail in his first interview with an English newspaper. ‘We were sprinting and he turned his head last second and I hit the back of his head. ‘I compressed both eye sockets, fractured the top of my skull, my cheekbones, had a brain haemorrhage. Literally what happens in a car crash.' He adds: ‘I was constantly in and out of hospital, having plates put in and bone fragments taken out from behind my eye sockets. It was absolutely horrific and it was also a total, amazing blessing.' That is because it ended his career in a job he adored, [https://www.kynghidongduong.vn/tours/tour-du-lich-ha-noi-bac-kan-ho-ba-be-cao-bang-hang-pac-bo-thac-ban-gioc.html tour hồ ba bể] and in the same breath it helped him to live, because in that world of football he had never allowed himself to accept what he had suspected for so long — that he is gay. Beattie is worried that abuse from fans will be worse than what players hear from team-mates ‘Leaving football gave me more freedom to decide on things,' he says. ‘I knew when I was recovering that I wouldn't play again, so I wouldn't hide from this any more. It allowed me to figure out who I was.' Last week he came out publicly, three months after he started telling his friends and family. You can only be delighted for him. But Beattie's is a story of nuance, of confusion, and offers no easy answers to the question of why there are no openly gay male footballers — a simplistic question that is usually rooted in a good place but contributes to the sort of spotlight that intimidates and inhibits. The details Beattie has bravely chosen to share show that there is no neat narrative. He takes us back to when he signed his first professional contract at Hull, aged 16, having joined the club at nine. ‘A few of the senior pros took the new intake to a strip club,' he says. ‘I didn't know I was gay at the time and where I grew up in Goole, Yorkshire, there wasn't that kind of diversity, so I didn't understand. But I knew I felt uncomfortable for some reason.' Beattie would have girlfriends through his early and mid-twenties but something ‘nagged' at him in the absence of any obvious attraction to men at first. ‘I just had a feeling I wasn't being me,' he says. Beattie played his football in Canada and Singapore after leaving Hull City's academy A complication around football came in 2006, when Beattie was 19. He had half a year left on his deal at Hull under Peter Taylor but had not broken through to the first team. The club rated him, but the pressures of making it felt unbearable to a young adult who, in his words, ‘didn't know who I was and why I felt like it'. For that reason he escaped to take a football scholarship in the US. ‘I just needed to be outside of that pressure environment,' he says. While Beattie would go on to get professional contracts with Canadian clubs between 2008 and 2013, he rejected Scottish Premier League side Kilmarnock in 2009 for similar reasons to why he left Hull. ‘I was there three weeks and just felt uncomfortable again,' he says. ‘I was maybe 21, and the fear of being in such a pressurised environment when I was struggling to understand who I was, that was hard.' By the age of 23, Beattie was having distinct thoughts that he was gay. Burying them became his routine. ‘I was most vulnerable at night,' he says. ‘In the evenings it would be creeping in on my brain and I would start getting on the phone or going to the gym, blocking it out.' Former Norwich player Justin Fashanu was the first British footballer to come out in 1990 At 28, and having played for Hougang United and Warriors in Singapore, Beattie knew for sure. But not once did he tell a team-mate. His reasons are illuminating. ‘I never came close to telling anyone,' he says. ‘That was for a couple of reasons. Mainly because of my reluctance to accept it within myself. But also because in football, everything is centred on the game and anything that distracts your energy can be a problem. ‘That is something that needs to be kept in mind and also it is possibly why people do not come out. Even if I had complete contentment with who I was, football is volatile — you never know where you are going to be one year to the next and adding that level of uncertainty to it is not easy. There are countries where it could be illegal and suddenly you are limiting yourself.' He continues: ‘The dressing room isn't what people maybe say. You would hear the odd homophobic word, but usually they are words and not feelings. ‘To be honest, especially now, a dressing room is so diverse — people from all ethnicities. You just can't be a fundamentally discriminating person in that environment.' Watford captain Troy Deeney claims there is probably one gay player in every football team Beattie agrees emphatically with the view that abuse from supporters is a greater deterrent than fears over colleagues. ‘Definitely,' he says. ‘Society has the biggest part to play in all this.' So far, since coming out last Tuesday, [https://www.kynghidongduong.vn/tours/tour-du-lich-ha-noi-bac-kan-ho-ba-be-cao-bang-hang-pac-bo-thac-ban-gioc.html tour hồ ba bể] Beattie says the response has been ‘amazing if a bit crazy'. He adds that ‘hundreds of sportsmen around the world have made contact'. His hope is to be a sounding board for others contemplating the step, though he accepts in football it will always be hard. ‘That spotlight on it will make it difficult,' he says. Today Beattie, 33, is happy with who he is. As an entrepreneur in Singapore, he is involved in 11 projects from restaurants to real estate to app development — a successful and thriving man. As an ex-footballer, he has just re-cleared an overgrown trail that Justin Fashanu once created. Hopefully, in time, it won't take a fractured skull for others to feel they can follow the same path. RELATED ARTICLES [# Previous] [# 1] [# Next] [/sport/sportsnews/article-8453397/Former-Hull-youth-team-player-Thomas-Beattie-comes-gay.html 'I never thought about coming out whilst playing': Former...] [/sport/rugbyunion/article-8452247/Former-Lions-captain-Gareth-Thomas-speaks-living-HIV.html 'When I was told I had HIV, I thought "death sentence". I...] [/sport/cricket/article-8437559/West-Indies-fast-bowler-Shannon-Gabriel-insists-gay-slur-row-wont-stop-sledging.html West Indies fast bowler Shannon Gabriel insists gay slur row...] [/sport/football/article-8419771/Troy-Deeney-claims-probably-one-gay-player-team.html 'I think once the first comes out, there would be loads':...] Share this article Share

Benutzer:StephanieFossey

2020-07-21T07:58:39Z

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